Loving
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: Remus is too good for the world. That's why he has to leave it early.When Remus finally dies after sleeping for two full years, Sirius has to cope. However, not such a loving and loved creature as Remus can be forgotten completely.Implied SLASH SBRL.


Disclaimer: I do not own them. Otherwise, they'd been dead for long...

Summary: Remus loves everything and anything. Like Sirius often says, he's too good to the world. Unfortunately, those who are too good are often those who leave before their time... After two years of undisturbed sleep, Remus's mind finally slips further. Sirius tries to come to terms with this, remembering that not as good a person as Remus can ever be forgotten completely.

A/N: I just realized that most of my one-shots and short stories are angsty RL/SSs. So, I decided to write an angsty (though bittersweet) RL/SB for a chance.

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Loving

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Remus Lupin.

Everybody knew Remus Lupin when they were at school -- or if they didn't know him, they'd at least heard of him. It was a miracle, truly -- he was just the type that usually got ignored by most, quiet and bookish. However, Remus was so kind, so warm and friendly, that nobody could ignore him. He wasn't naive by any means, he just simply loved the whole world and wanted to show that love.

Sirius Black, his friend, boyfriend, and lover, often said that Remus was a saint come to Earth. Remus never got angry, never shouted at anybody, never did anything that might have upset anybody. Helping anybody in need of help was always his first priority, regardless of the time or place. His favourite phrase was, "World is a beautiful place," and he always tried to show it to everybody around him, too.

Sirius, of course, was an eager student. He watched as Remus showed him the most colourful flowers, he listened to the birds "singing their praise to the heavens" like Remus put it, walked through the morning dew after Remus and watched the rays of sun glinting in the tiny droplets, breathed in awe as Remus pointed out a small, glowing flower in a darkening forest. Anything his beloved said or did he sucked into himself, treasuring it all into his heart.

Like he often said, Remus was too good to the world.

_Little wings, you butterfly_

_Spread them and try_

_It cannot be that hard to fly_

_Just fly, fly high._

_New flowers rise on your footsteps_

_You bless the ground you walk._

_The birds will leave their warmest nests_

_And fly to hear you talk._

Unfortunately, those who are too good to the world often leave it before their given time.

_Sleep in the cradle of stars,_

_O, son of Moon._

_Sleep, you, the gentlest of hearts_.

_Dawn comes too soon._

Sirius sat in a chair, watching the man who lay in front of him. The once-golden hair had ages ago turned grey, well before its time. The amber eyes were now closed, a slight, peaceful smile adorning the full lips. He seemed to be having only sweet dreams.

"Do you think he'll ever wake up?" asked a quiet voice behind the Animagus. Startling a bit, he turned to face the other person.

Seeing Harry's concerned face, he sighed. He couldn't lie to Harry, couldn't tell a lie to his dear godson. "Frankly, no," he replied. "It's been a too long time... He will not wake up again." While saying this, he felt like he was betraying Remus by not hoping anymore. But it was hard to keep up hope anymore. It'd been a too long time, like he had said to Harry.

For three hours every day in the last two years, he'd sat on this very place, spending his time in silence and watching his lover or just talking to Remus about everyday things. Every day, he'd hoped, dreamed, prayed, begged even, begged for a miracle.

And the miracle had never come.

Nobody could tell why it was so. One day, Remus just hadn't woken up. At first amused, then irritated, and at last just worried, Sirius had finally called Madam Pomfrey. She hadn't found anything wrong in Remus, not any reason why he shouldn't wake up. Suggesting that maybe Remus was just overly exhausted from the recent full moon, she told him to wait for the next day.

When the next day had brought no change, Sirius had called St. Mungo's instead. The mediwizards had examined the werewolf, not finding anything wrong with him. The scans made on his brains showed that he was just fine. He appeared to be just sleeping. Nothing was out of ordinary, except for the fact that no call, no spell could startle him awake.

...And now he'd been asleep for two years already, not waking up even once.

_One day you just fell asleep_

_And never woke up._

_Your dream is deep, so deep_

_Nothing could it cut._

_I cry my eyes out next to you_

_You never hear my words._

_They say to me -- I know it, too:_

_You have left this dark world._

It wasn't like Remus was the only one, no. Severus Snape had fallen into his own seemingly endless sleep just two weeks after the werewolf. He, too, was only asleep -- and he, too, couldn't be woken up. Now they lay in the same hospital room, a thin curtain separating their beds, each having their own different dreams that nobody else could see.

Some said that they were just too tired of life. Remus had, after all, always had to fight the prejudices as he was a werewolf, never getting the same rights that his friends took for granted. Snape, on the other hand, had been a spy, always living on the border between truth and lies, life and death. They had a reason to want to rest, these some people said, and they should be given their rest, if they truly no more had enough strength to live on.

Some other people said that it was Voldemort's revenge, that it had been his last strike against the Light Side. This could be actually true, that had to be admitted. Aside from Professor Dumbledore and Harry Potter, who were both too strong to be won easily, these two were the only masters of Occlumency and Legilimency of the Light. It wouldn't have been awfully hard, they said, from such a powerful Legilimens as Voldemort to use his last powers for a spell that sneaked to these minds trained in this form of telepathy and simply shut down their waking mind.

_Sleep in the cradle of stars,_

_O, son of Moon._

_Sleep, you, the gentlest of hearts_.

_Dawn comes too soon._

Snape was lying on his bed with no company, like always. While Sirius visited Remus every day, and his other friends occasionally, nobody ever visited the sleeping Potions Master. Only once a week, always on Sunday, Professor Dumbledore came for a visit. Upon entering the room, he always said, "Good morning, Son," and when he left, he said, "Good night, Son." He never said anything else, never did anything else. He just sat next to the sleeping man, praying for a miracle, like Sirius.

Dumbledore had not lost his hope. While Sirius had begun to think that Remus was never going to wake up, slowly trying to start a new life without the werewolf, even though he never gave up his visits, the old Headmaster still hoped. They didn't even have a Potions Professor at Hogwarts. No, there was only a Temporary Potions Instructor, like Dumbledore always reminded everyone. The day Snape woke up, his position would be waiting for him.

If he woke up, that was.

_You always told me to hope._

_It's been too long._

_I'm beginning now to cope,_

_To sing new songs._

_You still lie there, but it's not you;_

_You never sleep as I call._

_You are in the embrace of Moon._

_You are beyond it all._

One day, however, Sirius was in to an awful surprise. When he entered the hospital room, he noted that the bed next to Remus's was completely empty.

What had happened to Snape? If the man had woken up, he would have heard of it already. And if he hadn't woken up, then why wasn't he there anymore?

"Hey!" he said to the passing mediwitch. "Where's the man from the bed next to this?"

The woman looked sad. "Severus Snape?" she asked, and Sirius nodded. "He was finally declared brain dead yesterday evening," she said then quietly. "This morning, Professor Dumbledore gave us a permission to remove the spells keeping him alive."

"Oh," said Sirius quietly. He couldn't say anything else, he was too deep in thought.

Was that what awaited Remus, too? Would he, too, be once declared dead by mind? Would the mediwizards come to ask him whether they could remove the charms and just let the werewolf's body go the way his mind had already gone?

It was only charms now, he knew that. After a year of sleeping, Remus's breathing had begun to falter. While his lungs still functioned, they were now supported with breathing charms. If those had been removed, Remus would have died.

A tube led to the werewolf's arm, bringing him anything he needed to continue living, as he was of course unable to drink or eat. This was only removed for the full moon. Even the Wolfsbane Potion wasn't needed anymore, as the wolf, too, just slept, not even whimpering once during the whole night. Sometimes it had been seen even moving its legs, like a dog chasing something in its dreams. Thankfully, Remus's wolf side didn't seem to be inclined to sleepwalking any more than his human side was.

A tube and a breathing charm, those were what kept Remus alive. Better than with Snape, anyway -- the Potions Master had in the end needed even a heart-beating charm, as his own heart had been unable to keep up the ordinary rhythm. Remus was still not dead, however, just like Snape hadn't been. His mind was present in his body, his soul hadn't left him yet. He wasn't even in a coma -- he was just sleeping.

_Sleep in the cradle of stars,_

_O, son of Moon._

_Sleep, you, the gentlest of hearts_.

_Dawn comes too soon._

Remus had always been afraid of his wolf side getting in control. Almost as afraid, however, he had been of being forgotten. Sirius, of course, had always tried to ease this fear, telling that even if everybody else forgot Remus, he would still remember. And if he didn't, the world itself would.

"You're the epitome of love, my dear," he'd always kept saying to the werewolf. "Even if every human being in the world forgot you -- which won't happen -- the world itself would keep you in its heart. You cannot be forgotten, Remus. The stars in the skies will sing your name, if nobody else remembers you."

"You're a sap, Sirius," had Remus replied, and smiled, and forgotten it then. But Sirius had afterwards been thinking, and realized that he had only told what he felt, what he knew to be true.

Remus could not be lost completely, he couldn't, like could none of his kind -- the angels on the old, dirty Earth. Stars would twinkle as his eyes, he'd so many times adored them; wind would whisper his name, he'd so many times tried to catch it; the Sun would shine and be his smile, he'd so many times watched it rise and set; birds would sing as his voice, he'd so many times sung along with them; flowers would rise marking his path, he'd so many times adored and cared for them. Such a loved and adored creature as Remus couldn't just disappear completely.

He would live forever.

_I will never forget you_

_I'll keep you in mind._

_You were warm and friendly, too,_

_And wise and kind._

_I'll never forget anything,_

_It's all just about you._

_I would give you my everything._

_I'll let you sleep, sweet Moon._

The people collected around the hospital bed were all very quiet. Some of them looked serious, like Kingsley Shacklebolt, some were wiping away tears, like Nymphadora Tonks, some were just staring right ahead, like Harry. They all had come as they'd got Sirius's owl, urgent and almost desperate.

Remus, too, had been declared brain dead. His clever, loving mind had finally slipped from dreams to death.

"Mister Black?" asked the mediwizard quietly. "Mister Black, you're marked in our documents as his closest friend. As he has no known relations, we need your permission."

"Stop the charms," said Sirius quietly, his breath caught in his chest. "Stop the breathing charms." After saying this, he turned slowly away, unable to look as the mediwizard quickly and quietly removed the charms that had been keeping his only love alive for so long time.

It was like somebody had cast a Sonorious on the unmoving figure lying on the bed. They all listened strainedly as the werewolf's lungs, now without the support of the charms, drew air in. Then out. Then in, and out...

But no more in.

_Sleep in the cradle of stars,_

_O, son of Moon._

_Sleep, you, the gentlest of hearts_.

_Dawn comes too soon._

Wind was blowing over the ancient cemetery, lifting bright-coloured leaves from the ground to a momentary dance before dropping them down again. The man walking through the leaves on the ground, however, didn't pay any thought to them.

It was a bright day, although a bit cool for the season. The cemetery was beautiful; he'd always loved it for its beauty. While the trees in Wizarding gardens never dropped their leaves -- at least in the gardens he'd seen, all belonging to the proudest of Pureblood families -- in this little Wizarding cemetery they did just so. Bright yellow and red momentarily hid the greyness of the autumn day, making the atmosphere almost too cheerful, considering the place.

Sirius kept his eyes firmly locked on the ground, refusing to look up. He knew where he was going, his feet knew the way already, he could have walked it with his eyes closed and wouldn't have taken a single step wrong. He'd walked it so many times already, so very many times.

At last, he reached the small, pure white gravestone. Crouching down, he traced the letters on the stone with a slightly trembling finger. Then he straightened his back, not even trying to keep the tears from coming, as he knew it was impossible.

Whirling in his hair, stroking his cheek, the wind caught the tears on his face, blowing them away, making the little droplets dance through the air and creating tiny rainbows wherever sunlight caught the shattered tears. The sight was so beautiful and breathtaking, yet so sad in a way he couldn't even describe, that he was forced to stand and just watch.

The last rainbows casted their light to the leaves dancing in the wind, and then the tears were away, spread over his surroundings in so tiny droplets that it was impossible to see them. That short moment of absolute beauty was gone, yet a new one was right in front of him, the bright leaves and their seemingly endless dance.

The wind brought the sound of happy laughter from somewhere far, far away... Almost as from another world altogether. And even though he didn't believe it at first, couldn't accept what his heart and ears were both telling him but his mind didn't comprehend, he knew who was laughing.

Remus always did love autumn...

_The stars before you will fall_

_Just sleep, my heart._

_Sleep now, you gentlest of all,_

_Sleep with the stars._

_Sleep with the stars._

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A/N: Yeah, that was it. There's no more. Just tell me your opinion._  
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